Me? A Caretaker?

By Cecilia Holling

“Why did you and your mom come in separate cars?” “I won’t get in the car with her anymore, she’s dangerous!” One day a frightening eye opening truth may sear us: “Our parents need our help.”

Our mature family members are living longer and are being diagnosed with deteriorating diseases. Their reflexes are less responsive and multi-tasking is history. Agitation, forgetfulness, and intelligence revert to childlike behavior and innocence. Disturbingly, their independent lifestyle could one day turn to dependent convalescence.

As convalescent costs continue to soar hüpfburg mit rutsche caretaking in the home is now commonplace. Although we are not trained professionals, we can prepare ourselves:

Seek a healthcare professional. Obtain helpful information on what to expect and programs available to aid caretaking families.

Start dialogue early. Planning long-term care is vital.

Keep spouses involved and informed. Discussions can be more comfortable

when it’s time for change. Especially if there is a possibility that mom and/or dad may be moving in.

Plan for relocation. It may be wise and/or necessary to relocate well before illness has manifested or mobility becomes difficult.

Embrace change early. Making life-altering changes when all are well can make the challenged future more comfortable to ease into.

Exercise. Everyone should exercise everyday or at least 3 times a week to strengthen muscles, increase energy, and lower stress.

Prepare a living trust. Adding a trusted family member’s name to property or bank accounts can also ease future obstacles.

Keep family informed. Have parents speak to the family while they are still well giving all the opportunity to know their wishes so that there are no surprises or hurt feelings.

If already living in a caretaker’s role:

Accept help. Learn how to say “yes.” Get away for a few hours or for the weekend. It’s healthy for your mind, body and spirit.

Laugh often. It’s a great natural elixir!

Have patience. Aggression may seem to be aimed toward you. Always remember it’s the illness that’s attacking.

Acknowledge and accept. If mom and dad are visited only on birthdays and holidays then acknowledge and accept that daily help may not arrive.

Don’t keep score. Keeping score won’t change reality.

Love. Love. Love. When your own name irks you, you’ve changed sheets 4 times today, or the food you’ve prepared has been rejected again, step out of the room, breath deep, call on your patience or the neighbor, pray if you need, and say “I love you and I know it’s the illness that makes you this way.”

Use moments of peace to refocus. While they are sleeping take a few moments of peace to sit by their side, regroup and concede to their frailty. Your welled up heart will tell you “you’re doing the right thing.”

If we lived long enough wouldn’t it be our hope that our own children would mimic the compassion, caring, patience and love we once gave and will grant us the same blessing? You are the seed of hope.